Getting pregnant is no joke, especially when your better half is in the military. Aside from the husband, their loved ones, and friends, the entire community plays a very vital role in helping the pregnant military wife. And this should really be taken seriously by everyone especially when you get to meet and mingle with a pregnant military wife.
Well, don’t get us wrong. Most people are generally nice; however, there are some who have quite become a little bit insensitive of what we usually say or ask our fellows. Whether we actually (slightly) mean it or not, we should refrain from giving quite tactless remarks (consciously or unconsciously) to others particularly those people who are faced with a difficult situation.
Most pregnant women run into at least one or five people who feel the need to make inappropriate comments, be it about how big your belly is. At times, they get into some awkward situations like strangers rubbing their belly or asking nasty things about them and their pregnancy that they might not be totally aware of.
Yes, people can be rude at times, but it’s a “special kind of rudeness” to say or ask these things to a pregnant spouse of a military soldier. Here are some of those remarks you should NEVER say to her:
Why don’t you wait until your husband is out of the military, so, you know, there is no chance of him dying?
Come to think of it, this doesn’t really make sense. It is as if civilians don’t get hit by buses, in car accidents or have some freak diseases and sudden heart attacks. If we all waited to live our life until retirement or contracts ended, or when we know exactly what the future holds, what kind of life would that be? After all, playing safe in this life isn’t always the best thing to do.
Aren’t you scared of being a single mother with your number of children?
Who wouldn’t be, in the first place? No doubt, every wife wants the husband to be on their side all throughout her years. They both wish to grow old together and see their kids grow like the persons they want to be. Asking this question makes her think that it is as if having a spouse deployed wasn’t hard enough. And yes, ask this and emphasize how it would be so difficult for her to raise the kids while the father is on duty.
Isn’t he scheduled to deploy?
No one actually knows. Obviously, it is something to think about, but planning life around the military’s constantly changing schedule is nearly impossible. This makes her think that no one could probably understand their situation and of course, their military family life set-up.
What are you going to do if he deploys?
How do you want the preggy wife to answer this “really insensitive” query?! One soon-to-be-mom said, “What do people want me to say here? Am I going to abort my baby? Of course not. We are going to figure things out and make the transition as smooth as possible for our family. What would you do?”
Well, that is just so sweet of you to ask. Hence, would you put your life on hold? Get a divorce over a pending deployment? Maybe you can help me figure out what I’m doing wrong in my life.
Did you plan it or did it happen during one of his visits?
No, we conceived telepathically while he was away. Do you really have to ask such things? Just, OMG!
When are you moving home to your parents’ house?
Come on, she’s a grown-up (perhaps even with a job), a home, and a life. She’s not running home to mommy when things get hard. She has her ways to do things and run her own life, including her own family.
I don’t know how you do it. I don’t think I could.
Yes, you probably couldn’t make it if you were on her shoe. Though those words from you may seem a very nice compliment, it can still be perceived as something that could bother her, especially if she feels that such is uttered with a bit of sarcasm.
So the next time you are caught in these situations or encounter a pregnant military wife, let’s be more mindful of what we say or ask. Let’s be more sensitive and supportive of them, folks.
